Numbers 6-8: Fuck the Kohathites

Now God lays out how to become a Nazirite, whatever the hell that is. Shockingly, men and women can do it. We are just told it is a "special vow of dedication to the LORD," for whatever length of time you decide. There is nothing given for why anyone would want to do this. Not even something vague and lame, like, "Because I'm God and it would make me happy." Nothing.

So, you've decided to take a "special vow" to God, whatever that means and for whatever reason. Now you can't drink alcohol, or eat grapes in any form. You also may not go near a dead body. If, by chance, someone suddenly and without warning drops dead near you, you have to start over with the time of your vow. Also, you cannot cut your hair...that is the symbol of your vow. As soon as the vow is over, you shave your head, make some sacrifices, and have a glass of wine.

God also tells Moses and Aaron the specific words they have to say to bless the Israelites. This just seems weird to me. Why does God need specific words to be spoken to bless people? Actually, why do they even have to ask at all? Couldn't God just bless the Israelites anyway? They are his favoritest people, after all. (Of course, I don't even get why they are the favorite. Why can't God just like everybody? I am so confused.)

Now Moses sets up the tabernacle, and the heads of the families come with "offerings." They give Moses a bunch of oxen and wagons, and God says "give them to the Levites, so they can use them to haul around all this shit I made you build." What a nice guy! Oh but wait...one clan of the Levites, the Kohathites, must "carry on their shoulders the holy things." I don't know what these people did that was so horrible.

Then there's an entire chapter listing each and every thing the heads of the families offered, besides the wagons. Boring.

There's an interesting little sentence here: Numbers 7:89, it says that whenever Moses talked to God in the tabernacle, God talked to him out of the cherubs that decorated the ark of the covenant. Moses sounds crazy to me...

Now God has to make damn sure, for like the 5th time, that Aaron is tending the lamp in the tabernacle correctly. Holy shit, that lamp must be important.

Right, apparently it's time to "purify" the Levites, so they can begin their service to the priesthood. To purify them, sprinkle them with "the water of cleansing." Then they have to shave their body hair and wash their clothes. And, of course, lots of stupid sacrifice.

Interestingly, the Levites themselves are a "wave offering" to God, on behalf of the rest of the Israelites. I have no idea what this means. I don't remember if it actually said this or if I just inferred it from the name, but I thought a wave offering was something that was literally waved around in the air. Clearly this can't be the case...